DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

The truth is, as I see it now, that I had grown tired of always
making decisions, giving orders, being the Domme. I wanted to
rest, to relax, perhaps to be a little more "feminine" in a
traditional sense, to be a little passive. Kate made it possible
for me... From the very beginning she was the one who made
decisions for the two of us - mostly in such little things as
where to dine, what movies to see, what music to listen to...
whatever she decided was fine with me, not that our tastes
always coincided, but if it was her choice then it had to be
mine too.

It wasn't so much the restaurant, the movie or the music, but
the fact that I enjoyed them with her. Pleasing her was my sole
desire, so what pleased her would necessarily please me.

Of course I was particularly passive sexually, at least at
first, since I was so innocent, so novice at making love with
another woman. But even after I shed many of my inhibitions, I
remained shy and always let her initiate sex, no matter how much
I might desire her. I eagerly responded to her forceful kisses
(I was no longer afraid of opening my mouth!) but I couldn't
bring myself to be the aggressor and kiss her the way she kissed
me. Somehow it would have felt unnatural. I meekly waited for my
lover to take my lips, and to do whatever the kiss might lead
to. After two years this is still pretty much the pattern our
lovemaking follows.

Kate's loving is amazingly soft and tender, but it can also be
quite rough at times. I love both the softness and the
roughness, the way they complement and balance each other.. At
first I was startled by the slaps, bites and pinches, but I soon
grew to not only receive them gracefully, but to delight in
them, expect them, even miss them if they didn't come. They are
loving acts just as much as the kisses and caresses and tender
words.

Kate does to me, or makes me do, "sexy" things that I wouldn't
have accepted (or even imagined), from anybody before her.
Little kinky things like making me lick her finger after it had
been inside me, or dripping saliva into my mouth for me to
swallow (which I have come to consider a very special treat).

Sometimes she forbids me to touch her while she makes love to
me; I must keep my hands motionless by my side or above my head.
It's a sweet torture that I find hard to endure, and sometimes I
disobey. That's one occasion when my face gets slapped. The
first time this happened I think I drifted into what they call
"subspace" for the first time in my life.

In other words, you might say that I got in touch with my inner
submissive. Actually it was Kate who got me in touch with that
inner stranger - assuming it actually exists! I must make it
clear, anyway, that this submissiveness has never gone much
further than feeling passive and enjoying it. I can honestly
say, too, that it has not interfered with my dominance over
severin. Our household has one slave and doesn't need an
additional one!

Because of my ignorance of lesbian love, I had wondered whether
it would involved anal sex, and exactly how that would work,
although I tried to avoid imagining anything too graphic. I have
never allowed it with any man I ever had sex with, although most
wanted it at one point or another, and one even tried
(unsuccessfully) to take me that way.

Kate made no such demands the first few weeks of our affair,
which to me became a mixture of relief (the thought of the act
did scare me) and disappointment: didn't she want this most
intimate mingling of our bodies? I was happy to be anally
virginal so that she would be the first - and most certainly the
only one - to ever possess me that way. In order for me to
belong to her completely, she had to take possession of every
part of me, including the most "forbidden." This idea became
almost an obsession.

One day, while we were in bed together and she was lightly
touching me between my buttocks, I said shyly, "I have never
done that, you know," and I added, boldly, a bit foolishly, "I
guess I was keeping myself for you without knowing it."

I couldn't think of a clearer way of letting her know I was
ready. I won't go into irrelevant details, suffice it to say
that it was soon going to become a regular part of our
lovemaking, quite a discovery for me.

I realize that I have again drifted into my relationship with
Kate when I should return to the real subject of this memoir:
the functioning of our triangle, and more particularly the Kate-
severin relation. I'll get back to it in the next chapter.

continued at:-
Calm Before the Storm