DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

In a foreword to "My Inner Submissive" Michele wrote:

>I'm afraid it might be misunderstood

Somebody will always misunderstand what we write. In fact it's
been my experience with DOMestic that many people read into
whatever we write something which fits their own preconceptions,
and rarely understand exactly what we actually mean.

I hope I don't do too much of that myself.

>I definitely do not have a D/s relationship with Kate

That would depend on the definition of a "D/s relationship".

There is often a leader and a follower in any interaction
between two people.

I think that all relationships have elements of D/s in them.
Many conventional couples might be surprised to find that things
they regard as "conventional" lovemaking, are regarded by others
as kinky.

I'm sure there are many partners who naturally defer to their
husband or wife, and would be horrified if somebody suggested
that they were "submissive".

While it's clear you don't have what you call a D/s relationship
with Kate. I think many folk on this list would be happy to have
a small amount of D/s in their relationship. Such folk might
think that what you describe with Kate is a D/s relationship,
although not so overtly Dom/sub as your relationship with
Severin.

>I had to be honest about some feelings I have struggled with
>since I have known her.

Why the struggle?

In "My Inner Submissive" Michele wrote:

>I wanted to rest, to relax, perhaps to be a little more
>"feminine" in a traditional sense, to be a little passive. Kate
>made it possible for me...

That is wonderful. It seems to me to be perfection.

>Pleasing her was my sole desire, so what pleased her would
>necessarily please me.

That's a fair definition of one of the effects of being in love.
Some might call it devotion.

However, the following passages read to me like someone who is
enjoying being a sexual submissive, and there is nothing wrong
with that is there?

>always let her initiate sex, no matter how much I might desire
>her. I eagerly responded to her forceful kisses (I was no
>longer afraid of opening my mouth!) but I couldn't bring myself
>to be the aggressor and kiss her the way she kissed me. Somehow
>it would have felt unnatural. I meekly waited for my lover to
>take my lips, and to do whatever the kiss might lead to. After
>two years this is still pretty much the pattern our lovemaking
>follows.
>
>Kate's loving is amazingly soft and tender, but it can also be
>quite rough at times. I love both the softness and the
>roughness, the way they complement and balance each other.. At
>first I was startled by the slaps, bites and pinches, but I
>soon grew to not only receive them gracefully, but to delight
>in them, expect them, even miss them if they didn't come. They
>are loving acts just as much as the kisses and caresses and
>tender words.
>
>Kate does to me, or makes me do, "sexy" things that I wouldn't
>have accepted (or even imagined), from anybody before her.
>Little kinky things like making me lick her finger after it
>had been inside me, or dripping saliva into my mouth for me to
>swallow (which I have come to consider a very special treat).
>
>Sometimes she forbids me to touch her while she makes love to
>me; I must keep my hands motionless by my side or above my
>head. It's a sweet torture that I find hard to endure, and
>sometimes I disobey. That's one occasion when my face gets
>slapped. The first time this happened I think I drifted into
>what they call "subspace" for the first time in my life.
>
>In other words, you might say that I got in touch with my
>inner submissive.

Excuse me for quoting so much of your text above. But it was the
above passages which inspired my subject line of "The Compleat
Mistress".

I'd say your sexual relationship with Kate allows you to be a
more fully rounded and whole person. You get the best of all
worlds.

So "compleat" in the sense of accomplished, as well as complete
in the sense of fully formed. Perhaps one could describe you as
Mistress to both Severin and Kate, although quite obviously in
different senses of the word.

>it has not interfered with my dominance over severin. Our
>household has one slave and doesn't need an additional one!

The slave role is not the only type of submissive one in D/s
relationships. I think you can have a D/s triangle with all
three of you occupying whatever dominant (or otherwise) roles
make you feel comfortable. Especially as it seems that the three
of you are such a natural fit so far.

All of these roles do not need to be expressed overtly if you
are all comfortable with the way things are. If any of you feels
the need to discuss these aspects with one or more of the
others, then I hope that the others are capable of being
understanding.

It may of course be that things are so good that you don't want
to risk spoiling things by talking about them with your
partners. If so, I'm sure you'll find this list a ready ear.

>anal sex -snip- I have never allowed it with any man I ever
>had sex with

Neither have I. The idea never appealed to me, so I've never
tried it. I'm far happier strapping on a dildo and penetrating
David. :-)

>although most wanted it at one point or another, and one even
>tried (unsuccessfully) to take me that way.

Sounds like an unpleasant experience.

>I was happy to be anally virginal so that she would be the
>first - and most certainly the only one - to ever possess me
>that way. In order for me to belong to her completely, she had
>to take possession of every part of me , including the most
>"forbidden." This idea became almost an obsession.

Yours certainly sounds like a submissive love in the way you
express it.

>I won't go into irrelevant details

That'll disappoint some I'm sure :-)

>suffice it to say that it was soon going to become a regular
>part of our lovemaking, quite a discovery for me.

Sounds wonderful. I must say, not being a person who thinks she
would like being penetrated anally, it never occurred to me that
this would be a natural aspect of lesbian lovemaking. Not for
any other reason than I'd never given it a thought.

David has told me that prior to meeting me he has penetrated
another woman there without it being a dom/sub expression. But,
to me, anal sex in the way I take David, is an expression of
power, and so I kind of think of it as a dom/sub act.

>I realize that I have again drifted into my relationship with
>Kate when I should return to the real subject of this memoir:

I thought the subject was all three of you. I see no problem
with your descriptions drifting wherever you like.

>the functioning of our triangle, and more particularly the
>Kate-severin relation

I'm sure there are readers who are eager to read of that aspect
too. But I'm interested in all three of you.

>I'll get back to it in the next chapter.

Whatever you wish.

sincerely,
Christine

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