DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Femfan wrote about his fantasy, and said that he has "never had
a truly D/S relationship".

Fantasies are fun.

A few people may be lucky enough to actually live out their
fantasy for a short time. And there will even be a very
fortunate few who live this full-time in real life.

But for many of us this is like writing on a dating site "I
would love to meet a woman half my age who is incredibly rich. I
would like to stop working and move into her mansion with her.
She would buy me a fleet of sports cars..."

A great fantasy. And this has probably come true for a few lucky
men. But for most of us this fantasy will never come true, and
trying to find a real-life partner based on this fantasy is
totally unrealistic.

My question for FemFan (and anyone else who feels the same way)
is:

Have you got a milder fantasy that is likely to be achievable in
real life?

And do you think you would be able to enjoy a real-life FemDom
relationship if your Mistress fell far short of the "true
dominant" of your fantasy?

The internet is great for building up more and more intense and
extreme fantasies.

These are great fun, but I fear they can be damaging if people
start to think that they are likely to be able to be made real,
and that the only thing that would make them happy is if these
fantasies become true.

FemDom with a real dominant woman is very different from most
men's fantasies.

And as most men cannot find a real dominant woman, it can be
worth thinking about how mild FemDom can be enjoyed when your
partner is not dominant (eg see my Devotional Sex website).
(link displays here on blog)

I find real-life much more fun and satisfying than fantasy!

Cheers,
MichaelK

Michael,

I agree with you - fantasies are fun, however after that point
we differ - mainly it seems because I don't view DOMestic as a
dating site, and my post wasn't a lonely hearts!

I put in my fantasy scenario and my situation so that people
could understand, in terms of this site, who I was and where I
was coming from, the idea being that people with similar
fantasies (or, if they are lucky, realities!) could respond or
get in touch. It wasn't a shopping list for a mistress, or the
BDSM equivalent of GSOH (if you'll excuse the excess of
acronyms).

If you read my post, it's obvious that I dream of being
submissive to a dominant woman, so the question of her falling
short of my mark is really moot, the issue is more whether I
could meet her standards.

I realise that some might say that laying out my fantasy is
trying to top from the bottom, but I would argue that it's just
showing my hand fully so that any mistress can understand my
drivers, and decide in advance whether she would have any
interest in, or use for me and therefore use them to her
advantage. However, I concede, I could be completely wrong in
doing this and am happy to bow before other people's greater
understanding of the dynamics of a D/S relationship - oh the
perils of being a novice!

Also, rest assured, I don't expect my fantasies to become real
(as I'm sure is the case with many posters and authors on this
site) - and there's a very real chance that were they to start
going that way, I might not be able to cope with the complete
life change they would entail.

I do appreciate your concern for me, however, rest assured I'm
not a destructive Walter Mitty ;-)

To finish, I'm glad that you have a fulfilling and enjoyable
reality that moves in these realms, but I am one of many I am
sure who, for now, enjoys the fantasy of Femdom. I would love to
correspond with people who are truly involved as knowing that
the reality exists, and talking to such powerful women is like
peering over a precipice and feeling giddy at the depth and
power of the desire they create within me.

I hope that my posting doesn't offend anybody out there - I just
wanted to be honest about myself and my lack of experience - I
don't think, however, that I am totally alone in this, and I am
sure, Michael, that however much you enjoy the reality - you've
also enjoyed the odd bit of fiction that has been written by one
of us fantasists in your time...

With deference to the dominant females

FF

Femfan, I thought your post was rather nice. I'd ignore the
advice of others to lower the standards of what you are looking
for. Beautiful powerful dominant females are out there. I know
because I'm owned by one.

I have a theory that older siblings make great femdoms, if you
learn about the four basic personality traits (thinker
socialiser relater and director) that can help too. A lot of
Dommes don't know they are and think they are just bossy
bitches. They try to reign in their true nature.

If you can find the right person it may be a simple matter of
encouraging them to be themselves and helping them get societal
conditioning out of the way. That's what I did. It took 10 years
to get there and if we never did I still loved her and was
committed to her, perhaps that's why we got there.

I agree with both of you.

Of course there are many women just like Femfan describes!, in
real lives and in their own fantasies, depends on them how far
they want to carry their dominance or ways. If as Femfan
desires, that is another thing, but am sure even if not into his
fantasy, they are equally strong, as are all of those who lead a
female led relationship. Femfan answered to Ms. Christine
wanting writings, in addition presented his view of his Femdom.
I thought it was a great post.

I must agree with Michael in the quantity of people looking and
not be able to find. Every time I have searched, and has been a
few, there have always been lots of responses. Now I was
searching again, this time a retired submissive, as at my 56 I
think it is best to find someone who is in my same stage of
life.

Sadly, I found many men looking for someone who would fill their
lives, give meaning to it, as their own is sad, a routine, no
joy. And I just want to mention that life must be complete for
oneself before going to look outside, especially your fantasies,
your inner cloister. It is too important to confuse our needs, I
call it addiction, as it has been so for me all my life, with
our retired, nothing to do life. Reading their profiles there
has been a lot of anger, disappointment. It saddened me.

A ds life is like any other relationship, difficult to find,
difficult to nourish and maintain. It involves a lot of energy.
The internet helps to work out the illusion it could be. I have
fallen for that illusion several times, I am great at fantasies
jeje...

I guess I just wanted to say, we are as we are and should live
to lead the life we want. But it is also short and we should
make each day valuable. Look for exactly what you want but also
lead a happy life on your own, it is in you.

well said - and hopefully your dreams and visions will now come
true

Hello fem fan,

you wrote:

>this is my first post

And you are off to a good start. Keep it up.

>I felt it was my duty as a sub male to answer the call of a
>superior woman and throw my hat into the ring

A very nice hat you threw in too :-) The compliments were a
welcome bonus as well.

>the latest instalments of The Bank Manager's Cupboard have
>been mind blowing - Ms Christine, you're an amazing author!

Thank you fem fan, and in recognition of your enthusiasm I've
just posted the next episode. I'm fairly sure you'll like it, it
is probably my favourite episode of the story. I had the giggles
as I concocted it. And I smiled at my naughtiness as I re-read
it while posting it. I just love how wicked I was being.

>knowing that the Yin to my Yang is out there.

She is out there somewhere. But as I'm sure you know, she will
not be like any of my fictional characters, which let's face it
are a bit OTT. Although it's possible they'll give her a giggle
too if you share your favourite stories with her.

>I would expect her to have (should she wish) a kennel, stable,
>or harem of males that are enslaved and broken beneath her
>heel, serving her in any way she desires - maybe even
>specialising in different areas according to her desires,
>serving as her cleaners, shoppers, manicurists, pedicurists,
>butlers, even as her toilet, toilet paper, oral slaves, and
>lovers.

Wonderful in fantasy. My experience of submissive men leads me
to believe that they are generally high maintenance individuals.
I doubt I'd have the emotional capacity to manage a stable
myself. So you might find that your ideal woman will be, like
me, happy with the devoted service of one male.

>should she have lovers, I would count myself lucky to be
>allowed to serve her by cleaning up after them with my
>tongue...

Yes. You would indeed be lucky were such a privilege afforded to
you. But would you be as happy if she were to take lovers and
not want to use you for that service? She might like the freedom
to take lovers, I know I did. But she may not want to have that
freedom imposed upon by your fantasies.

>In my fantasies I would be broken and degraded by my mistress

You are very much like my David in your fantasies, and it's
fortunate that you recognise that reality will probably not be
like that. Like David you may find your Mistress is willing to
indulge you in that illusion at least some of the time. But in
truth a broken male is not much use to a woman.

Many of us like a strong male companion who is willing to submit
when we want him too.

>my pent up sexual desire became an overwhelming wave that ever
>increased her power and hold over me.

That part of your fantasy is both achievable and fun. I think
you'll find quite a few women would like the male "pent up and
panting with desire" element of this lifestyle, once they
realise that it doesn't have to also mean the man pestering for
attention and his own gratification.

>I ordered, I believe, every video available from Christine and
>David

There are only five, so if you have five you have them all.

>While I have to admit that on the PC Screen the videos were a
>little dark and at times hard to make out, when I put them onto
>the TV, they were fine. In terms of content however - they were
>p-h-e-n-o-m-e-n-a-l !

It's probably because we go to such lengths on the video
description page to make it clear that the quality of
reproduction is less than perfect, that we don't get negative
feedback. Fortunately we bought a card for the PC when they
first came out, and I converted the old tapes to digital before
the video tapes became totally unwatchable.

We agree with you, we've rented a lot of videos in our time, and
in terms of content we've never see anything as realistic or
enjoyable as the videos we made ourselves. I think the reason
for that is that nobody else is likely to have followed the same
somewhat accidental procedure I explain below.

>I loved watching the stories play out, the action in them was
>mind blowing

Most of the "action" as you put it was filmed spontaneously when
I was in the mood for playing to camera. The action wasn't
filmed for the purpose of making a commercial video, but just
for our pleasure at recording our fun.

Back when we bought our video camera, they were quite new, and
looked like something a TV station might use, especially when it
was sat on one's shoulder. Such a big camera in the corner of
the room might tend to ruin an atmosphere.

So I'd tell David how and where I wanted the video camera set
up, atop a table, or on a dressing table in the bedroom for
example, and all I had to do was turn it on when I felt like
filming something kinky that we were doing as we went about or
"normal" lives. The camera might sit there for a few days until
I was next in the mood for playing.

Often the result was taped over because what came out on the
recording was not as good as we'd like and not even worth
keeping.

When we liked the result enough, we'd copy it on to our "to
keep" tapes. It was when we were discussing how awful the movies
we rented were, that we tossed around the idea of selling our
own. David felt that we had to give them a story line in order
to sell them. So I gave him the task of writing the ideas for
link scenes which would stitch the action together in a story
which would be at least a little bit credible. Or sound like
something we could sell as a "film".

>I could feel a reality to proceedings that you don't tend to
>get elsewhere.

That may be because you end up seeing a mix of fact and fiction,
and because we are having fun. Although even the fiction scenes
only got filmed at my leisure, when I was in the mood for them,
and often I changed the story on the fly to suit my mood or
because I didn't like what David had scripted. So that tended to
provoke a reality because often David doesn't know what is going
to happen next, and sometimes nor do I :-)

The reality is perhaps also what you describe as the "action"
sequences. The story lines are of course not very close to
reality at all.

>if Ms Christine ever ordered me into her bathtub... I'd be
>there in a shot!

Bear in mind it's more fun for some women if you at least look
like it's a bit of a punishment. :-)

>my humble apologies for the length, and rambling of my own
>email Ms Christine!

The length was fine, and you were totally coherent. Just the way
I like my men, before I reduce them to stuttering wimps.. ;-)

sincerely,
Christine at Ms-Christine.com

See Christine and David on video

Hello,

I'd just like to thank those of you who wrote in regard to my
post. I had been somewhat worried that my posts were over long,
and, being filled as they were with the witterings of an
inexperienced male, might have been viewed with either scorn or
derision. I can't tell you how happy I was to find the opposite
to be the case, and again have to thank Ms. Christine and David
for having built such a welcoming community.

I have to admit though, the response I've read and re-read has
been, and I'll hope you forgive me for this (though you won't be
overly surprised I'm sure), Ms. Christine's, so I'd just like to
comment on a few points of hers if I may.

Christine wrote:

>A very nice hat you threw in too :-) The compliments were a
>welcome bonus as well.

I am honoured that you liked my posts, they were put in, after
all, in an effort to obey your good self, and I am happy that
they appear to have achieved their end. As for the compliments,
I only wish I had the eloquence to do you justice.

>in recognition of your enthusiasm I've just posted the next
>episode. I'm fairly sure you'll like it, it is probably my
>favourite episode... I had the giggles as I concocted it. I
>just love how wicked I was being.

Thank you so much. I LOVED it - though, for me, it ended just
before it got really interesting. As places to end a chapter go,
that was just mean! To raise a lump in men's throats (and pants)
and leave them hanging, but then, what am I talking about,
that's exactly how we should be left, gagging at the mercy of a
dominant lady's whims (but please, tell me your story and
description of his humiliation beneath her with that gag doesn't
end there!).

As for giggling and feeling wicked as you wrote it, the very
FACT that the story came from your mind, along with the content,
I have to admit, has rather a different effect on me - and with
regards to your wickedness, it's a wickedness that leaves men
like me somewhat weak at the knees.... so please, don't ever
stop ;-)

>would you be as happy if she were to take lovers and not want
>to use you for that service (oral cleanup) She might like the
>freedom to take lovers, I know I did. But she may not want to
>have that freedom imposed upon by your fantasies

Firstly, I love that everything I've fantasised about, you've
done for real. Secondly, you ask whether I would be as happy if
it were all about her rather than my fantasies. The answer, I
think, is yes.

I view, as indeed you do, the task of being ordered to lap clean
my owner's pussy after she has enjoyed a lover as a privilege
that I would be lucky to receive. What really drives my desire
in this however, is the expression of her power over me. That
she takes lovers because she wants them is the point. It is not
that I enjoy that she takes them, or need to see it necessarily,
it is the fact that she enjoys it, doing exactly what she wants,
whenever she wants, indulging herself and exerting an absolute
power over me with no regard to my feelings or desires - that is
the element that elevates her to her all powerful position in
the relationship.

Should she choose, as in my fantasy, to rub my face in it, this
is just another expression of her total freedom and power and
would drive me further into acceptance of my subjugation beneath
her metaphorical heel.

In the same vein, with regard to climbing into Ms Christine's
bathtub, it is the expression of her power that would send me
into what I have seen called subspace. The fact that because she
felt like it, a woman was ordering me to open my mouth beneath
her, and accept that in her world, I am no more than her toilet,
would utterly overwhelm me.

So it becomes a little more complex - yes, it would be a
punishment, and it is the extreme nature of the punishment that
makes it so potent - the very order, and the power being wielded
would drive me into a state of total submission, which, at the
same time, would be about as exciting to me sexually as it is
possible to be. So as I kneeled or lay to order, opened my
mouth, and accepted my humiliation and total subjugation beneath
her, drinking my mistress' urine as commanded, I would find
myself becoming ever more her slave.

With each drop my pride would dissolve as I fell deeper and
deeper under her control, giving myself up to her absolute power
over me, sinking ever further beneath her spell. Sorry if that's
all a bit extreme and confused, but it is honest.

As to being broken by a woman, in my mind I would be broken to
her and her alone, and remain to all others (and to her when she
desired it) a man. I am in life, a reasonably successful, (I
like to think) vaguely intelligent man. I am 6'2" tall, strong,
and have many friends (don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, I
need to lose weight, I could be less lazy etc., etc.).

My submission to a woman would be in deference to her strength,
power and character, and I hope would therefore mean more to
her, knowing that what to the world in general is a strong man,
in private is a wimp that crawls before her, falls to his knees
at the click of her fingers, and lives under her total rule as
possession and plaything.

I found the description of your processes when making the films
really interesting. I will watch them again with interest now
that I have a little more insight into the process. I will also
continue to watch them with a hell of a lot of enjoyment now
that I know the scenes were at your leisure and according to
your whim, knowing that the action was real, and I am in fact
watching a truly dominant woman taking her pleasures raises the
films to a whole new level.

And finally...

>The length was fine, and you were totally coherent. Just the
>way I like my men, before I reduce them to stuttering wimps..
>;-)

OK - once I get over the feeling in the pit of my stomach
whenever I read THAT sentence, can I just say that the elegance
of making a statement, achieving an end, and proving a point in
a single sentence is just staggering.

Apologies once again for the length of my ramblings - oh to have
your perfect, headspinning brevity!

Your stuttering wimp

FF

Hello again everyone,

Well i wanted to reply to this "in praise of" because I enjoyed
reading it.

I also remember posting about my quit smoking plan in which i
had promised to keep updated on progress.... i didn't because
there was none or little sadly.

Hmmm which first......

quit smoking plan;

Well it didn't work... i had thought it would, but nope.

It was an excel spreadsheet that increased my canings in
accordance with the amount smoked. My belief that it would work
stemmed from my fear of the cane.

But for one reason or another... actually many, what happened
was... my hesitant Dom couldn't bring herself to inflict the
necessary force required and more importantly the fearful sub
(me) grew to not fear and actually look forward to the caning.
Perhaps i had an ulterior subconscious desire for the cane that
i was unaware of and that was what drove me.

Suffice to say that it didn't work and we stopped... i still
smoke.

Yes fantasy is a wonderful thing. i still live in that land but
i am also entering real life land at the same time.

My wife, aside from the fact i plainly just adore her... has
lived almost her entire life as the typical submissive bible
belt abused woman.

When i came onto the scene i worshipped her (in accordance to my
fantasy/belief) in a way that was long overdue in my opinion. I
have shared my fantasies with her and she has embraced it more
or less and in her submissive way granted my desires.... yet in
doing so she has awakened her dominant side and no longer has to
hide this part.

She is still the doting wife (all those little things that
aren't so little in fact get done for me and that is something
that still makes me very uncomfortable... but one day at a time)
but she is fully enjoying the dominant role as well.

This green submissive woman has:

used me as furniture

as a toilet (not full but still exciting and enjoyed by both
parties)

used toys (she had never used a dildo in her life let alone one
that was strapped to someone's face or around her waist)

engaged in spankings floggings and canings

entertained the idea of cuckolding and regularly uses it as
pillow talk during sex

keeps me in chastity off and on

expects me to pleasure her and not have to reciprocate

If it weren't for the presence of children we would be much
farther along the road to a perfect road but that being said it
is a road that is scenic and wonderful to travel along with the
one that you adore. hmmm.... could i use the word road again?
road... yes i can!

I suppose what i am saying in my rambling (i haven't had a
coffee yet) kind of way is that don't stop trying, you will find
something that is, if not your fantasy right now, will become
your fantasy in life that you can build on and grow with.

i for one couldn't be happier, if i had lucked upon the fantasy
that i had in my mind before i fell in love i would be poorer
because of it. Thank god(dess) that i didn't and now have
something far far richer.

jboy

Hello jboy, femfan, and all,

jboy wrote of his smoking plan:

>grew to not fear and actually look forward to the caning.
>Perhaps i had an ulterior subconscious desire for the cane
>that i was unaware of and that was what drove me.

That is a danger.

I find what is needed to make a submissive like David enjoy such
a "game" at the same time as achieve my more serious goal, is a
plan that gives some milder "punishment" to keep him interested
and enjoying it, in addition to a "real punishment" for failure
to achieve a goal I wish to achieve.

When I've used similar strategies on David, if I really wanted
to change behaviour I had to escalate to the thick cane, and
increase the strokes to a level he genuinely could not endure.
Your partner might not be comfortable with going that far.

With regard to smoking, I think you would actually need to
desire to reduce (or quit) in order to work with the plan. If I
were applying this to David I would ensure he got a daily dose
of the thin canes and hand spanking as a warm up.

I'd probably start with something like ten of each every day, as
a "punishment" for smoking at all. It might be an increasing
dose for every week he continued to smoke to give him an
illusion of escalating "punishment" rather than letting him
think it is all just a way to play.

This would then be followed every day by the thick cane as an
additional punishment, (the real one), starting at one stroke
for every cigarette smoked in a 24 hour period.

My plan would further require a reduction of one cigarette every
day in the amount he smoked. Failure to achieve a reduction
would mean two strokes for every cigarette smoked.

Any increase in the amount smoked would escalate the thick cane
to 3 strokes per cigarette.

When, as we surely would, he got down to one cigarette a day.
Then I would need to decide whether the enjoyment he was getting
from that one cigarette, or indeed the enjoyment we were both
getting from the control ritual outweighed other considerations.

If our goal was smoking reduction then it would be hard to
reduce much further. Or indeed continue the ritual in the same
way. If the goal is quitting, we've then trapped ourselves into
a situation where the pleasure from the ritual of "pretending"
to punish with the light strokes disappears the moment he quits.

As I would have replaced one addiction (nicotine) with another
(punishment rituals), then before we ever got that far I would
need to have a plan in place which would ritualise daily milder
punishments and occasional more severe ones to achieve other
goals (or illusions of goals).

You wrote of your partner....

>she is fully enjoying the dominant role as well.

I'm so pleased to hear that and to read your impressive list of
things you've both achieved.

>you will find something that is, if not your fantasy right now,
>will become your fantasy in life that you can build on and grow
>with.

Well said. I couldn't have put it better.

And now to femfan, who started this thread.... regarding "In The
Bank Manager's Cupboard. Twenty-six" femfan wrote:

>As places to end a chapter go, that was just mean!

Thank you, I do try ;-)

>please, tell me your story and description of his humiliation
>beneath her with that gag doesn't end there!

No, it doesn't end, the suffering continues in part "twenty-
seven". Some things do come to he who waits :-)

>I love that everything I've fantasised about, you've done for
>real

Everything? I doubt that. But I've certainly done quite a bit
including having my David wear the face mask fitted with the
dildo gag while I enjoyed using it/him.

I enjoyed much of the rest of your post, so excuse me if I only
pick out an obvious area of deviance. :-)

>you ask whether I would be as happy if it were all about her
>rather than my fantasies

That was not quite the thrust of my question. I'm not in favour
of the idea that a relationship can be all about one partner. My
question was more directed to the idea that the fantasists in
relationships (of either sex) may need to compromise and create
new fantasies or adapt old ones so that they work better for
both parties.

>doing exactly what she wants, whenever she wants, indulging
>herself and exerting an absolute power over me with no regard
>to my feelings or desires - that is the element that elevates
>her to her all powerful position in the relationship.

Yes, that is one of the elements that is so exciting in fantasy
for some people, like my David and clearly yourself.
However.....

What may happen is that you'll adapt that for reality, either
because she doesn't want to be "all powerful" and have "no
regard" for you, or that you find yourself attracted to a
different person. Your future partner may actually want to have
both a high regard for you, and simultaneously have a high
regard for her own needs.

When you open up to a potential partner, as one day you must,
and tell her what you fantasise about, you may just scare off
your ideal partner if you offer her "absolute power". She may
only want a mutually agreed amount of power.

In such circumstances it is enjoyable to women like me to take
the role of one who has such absolute power, when I'm safe in
the knowledge that it is really a mutually agreed and mutually
agreeable power.

sincerely,
Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml