DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Hello,

bianconigliO wrote:

>Two years ago a very new and exciting part of my relationship
>with my love started. She fell in love with another man.

How did this exciting departure come about? Was this as a result
of your prompting her to take a lover? Did you want to be
cuckolded?

>It was a sexual rollercoaster the first year. They were quite
>cruel with me, they kept me orgasmless for months using a
>steel tube, and they were passionately in love with each other
>and having a lot of fun. Intoxicating circumstances I can
>assure you.

It sounds very exciting. And obviously this situation was
enjoyable for you because you could be part of the triangle in a
way which fitted with your own submissive fantasies. In effect
you were all three involved in playing together so that when she
enjoyed her other lover you were included by virtue of the
imposed chastity. Had you previously enjoyed cuckold fantasies
as well?

>But, the last months much of the playing with me has stopped.
>Both are in love with each other, and it seems to have become
>a very vanilla relationship. The idea of keeping me chaste, and
>only using me as a servant, was really a turn on, for her and
>for him. But this disappeared. They seem bored with this game.

This is the essence of the problem for you. While they imposed
chastity, suffering and servitude on you, then you were part of
the love triangle. Your needs were being met.

Now their needs are being met by each other, and yours are
seemingly ignored. If they are in your words "bored with this
game" then what is needed is to find a new game plan that would
excite them as well as you.

Why don't you ask them what you can do to excite them both? Have
you tried asking them how you can stimulate their interest in
your submission to them.

>She has said on occasions she wanted me more masculine and
>more like a lover...

This then is perhaps the essence of the problem. You were not
able to satisfy her needs. In a partnership or marriage both
people need to find ways in which they can both get their needs
meet.

Was she only being cruel to you to satisfy your needs? Was she
reluctant to be the sadist for you, or is this something she
truly enjoyed doing to you? I guess I'm asking whether she was
and is sadistic by nature?

You also say...

>but for me it is difficult, to change back.

Is this something she has said she now wants? Does she truly
love the other man? Or would she be happier with you as her
"lover" if you would only satisfy her own needs?

>The fact that she has a lover puts me in a subservient state
>of mind, all the time. At the same time, she is very much used
>to another way of love making and acts really spoiled in that
>area. She does not want to keep me chaste anymore, and it
>seems she wants to take off the rough edges of the triangle,
>preferring to have two 'normal' equal lovers.

Have you discussed any of this with her then? Has she actually
said that she wants, in your words, "two 'normal' equal lovers"?
Or is this something you have decided because they are not
playing your game any more?

>I would like to have some advice from you. Perhaps someone had
>similar experiences?

So far nobody else on DOMestic has replied to you. I do hope
someone with similar experiences can offer you their own
insight. Meantime, I'll do my best...

>How do I go about it. How do I interest him or her in playing
>with me again, in one way or another?

You say "him or her". Does this mean that you would be happy to
submit to any needs, sexual or otherwise, that he may have
without her active participation?

It's possible that he may not feel able to use you himself as
the relationship was never openly discussed and this option may
not have been offered to him.

>It is plenty for me to just know that they enjoy keeping me a
>subservient and chaste slave. I feel I need that kind of
>domination to enjoy the triangle.

You must also consider what they need to enjoy the triangle, and
the simplest way to find that out is to ask each of them if they
are interested in either dominating you, being cruel to you, or
using you for anything at all, either separately or together.

If they both say that the idea doesn't interest them any more,
then you may have to consider whether you wish to try to fulfil
your wife's needs yourself and "compete" with her lover for her
attentions. Perhaps this is what she wants?

It is also possible that she would enjoy rejecting you and being
cruel to you, if she were able to believe you really wanted her
as a lover. It's possible you've become too uninteresting and
boring to dominate because you were too willing to give up your
"conjugal" relationship with her.

She may need more signs from you that you need and want her in
the conventional ways that her other lover shows her that he
needs and wants her. That may make the triangle more exciting
for her.

sincerely,
David

Download "Games People Play" by David at
http://www.u4ds.com/manuals

Hi there

On the love triangle issue, i have heard from people with
experience in swinging, that it does not end well for the
original couple... for both of them mostly... so... careful with
what you wish for... you might get it! (and not like it when you
have it in your reality)

greetings from warm Costa Rica
greg

Dear David,

Thanks a lot for your realistic advice. I think you make a very
good point in that it is most fun for her if she forces me to
submit. So trying to 'object' in an entertaining way to the
status quo is really a good idea.

Something I found out just when I posted, is that they were/are
going through a rough patch. There is a bit of a circle there.
The less I like the triangle, the less she likes it. The less
she likes it, the less I like it. They have not seen each other
since I posted. Distance plays a role here as well. Adapting to
a new place to live and so on. We have been pre-occupied with
mundane things.

On the good side... we are also getting used to this triangle...
and we see the good sides of it as well...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Greg.... you are absolutely right that this is for Couples
2.0...... playing with fire... on the other hand... a third
person also brings friendship and love to both... society seems
to open up towards polyamory in any case... so perhaps the many
'bad' stories of the past (I also heard of) are in a way
'growing pains'...

Thanks a lot to both....

I will throw in some real-life stories in a while!

bianconigliO

ps. I heard you have doubts about the list? It is great! Are you
crazy? And the list comes with two such kinky, sweet, romantic
and cruel moderators! It is special I can assure you.