Hi,

I am a submissive (as yet untrained) male and I've been reading
DOMestic for some time. I have posted once before - In praise of
Dominant Women.

I have to say, as ever, I am loving the unique mix of stories /
fiction elements and real life tales and questions of the
readership. There is something about hearing about real life
relationships along the lines of my inclinations that I find...
well... shall we just say exciting...?

Jim's Story by randolphus
first part linked here

part thirteen - rehabilitation

The chores didn't take long, I found Kathleen's and Sarah's
undies and stockings and put them into separate piles, although
they were different sizes and styles.

Bill's Warning - part three
first part linked here

Monday

The next morning Darlene said: "Pack enough for five days, make
sure you have a change of panty hose because I will ask Francine
to make sure you're wearing them. I also went through the
punishment book and you owe me several hours of corner time."

Post your message to DOMestic.

Would like to find out about a device (shock collar) that can be
locked onto the genitals for training.

Thank you Ms Christine and David,

After downloading the Fem Dom Manuals I am so tempted to read
the document instead of giving it to my wife without review.

I wonder if you can help or suggest a training guide that fits
our situation.

My needs are one of my wife controlling solely in the bed room
and a release for the stress of day to day dominance I must
execute in "the real world"

Hi Ms Christine and David,

Of course i am wrong to say "there are no dominant Women"...

However it would seem with this interest in cuckolding, the
Woman desires a Man.

Bill's Warning - part two
first part linked here

Darlene said: "I called your cell today around 11:00 AM, and it
said it couldn't locate your phone. Then I called your
dispatcher. She said she didn't know where you were. I asked if
you weren't supposed to let her know where you are. She said you
were supposed to but you don't."

Jim's Story by randolphus
first part linked here

part twelve - Jim's not so welcome home

Kathleen said: "Let's go Jim, I have all your stuff here." Then
Kathleen asked: "Are they very strict here?"

I said: "Not as strict as you are Miss Kathleen."

Kathleen squeezed my arm and said: "I understand you were beaten
and spanked twice. What did you do to deserve that?"

Post your message to DOMestic.

>looking for ideas to do to my sub

I like to humiliate my slave with tasks of tedium. Right now I
have him blindfolded and gagged. He is on his hands and knees
searching the place desperately for a pair of my scented panties
which are hidden in a spot on the floor unknown to him. He has
been at it for one hour now.

Whoops. I just realized I forgot to hide the panties yet! Wait
until I tell him he has been wasting all this time. He will find
that to be humiliating.

Danielle

tootsie

You can buy "Dog Shock Collars" in most pet stores, if you buy a
very tiny one for tiny dogs like the one we did, then it should
be relatively easy to remove the shock unit and mount it on a
lockable ball strap.

Easier still would probably be to use a tiny padlock and make an
additional hole in the strap so as to lock the strap that comes
with the device.

Electrical Play information is available to members at:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic/a_elec.htm

and on that page you will find a lot of discussion of the
collars.

A list of "Remote Control Dog Collars" web sites posted
frequently in the past is at:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic/dom0821.htm

and that includes our own "zapper" which was an Innotek FS700A
Micro-line.

Non members can start in the Electrical Play section in the
right hand menu of the DOMestic blog. There are several sub
sections there which may interest you.

The "Dog Shock Collars" link will take you to

http://u4ds.com/electrical_play/dog_shock_collars/

which is about the devices which are most easily obtained in pet
stores.

You may also want to take a look at "Add-ons for Chastity
Devices" at:-

http://u4ds.com/electrical_play/addons_for_chastity_devices/

if you want to keep a man locked up and chaste while zapping
him.

sincerely,
Christine at Ms-Christine.com

Renew or get your DOMestic password at:-
http://www.mschristine.com/domsub4.shtml#card

>I do have a small problem with what you made your little one
>do, I understand your need to make him feel not so good, but
>what about the other people in the store? Do you think you
>have the right to subject them to that also?

I support that sentiment.

As a community we often express the desire to have the public at
large support our right to live our lives in a way which is
meaningful to us. Why would they be inspired to do that if it
means it tramples their right to live without feeling their
peace is violated?

When we do things in public that make it difficult for the
vanilla public to live their lives within their own comfort
level we're trespassing against their rights.

Over the years I can recall many postings in which dominants
have cited a public requirement of their submissives/slaves
stepping outside their comfort zones in a way that makes the
vanilla public not only aware of us but very uncomfortable with
our lifestyle choices. Nothing good can come of that. It draws
unwanted attention at the very least and is one of the primary
reasons people (myself, included) separate themselves from the
more public scenes.

In every case I can think of discretion is the better part of
valor.

I think you have a good chance of getting close to what you want
if you can create a new dynamic which becomes something that
your wife enjoys.

Do you want to be dominated, or do you want to feel very much
hers?

If you want to be dominated this will only work if your wife
wants to take the dominant role.

And in the bedroom do you want to engage in BDSM activities
(pain, punishment, humiliation, etc) or are you happy to feel
hers engaging in "ordinary" sexual activities?

Lots of BDSM activities will, of course, only be possible if
these are enjoyed by your wife.

I have never dated or had a relationship with a dominant woman.
None of my partners have wanted to take full control.

What I have done with all my dates and partners is not to ask
them to dominate me, but to give them the power to take control
whenever they wish.

In Devotional Sex a Knight only ejaculates when his Princess
allows, and this does not happen most times there is sexual
activity.

When a Princess wants a more horny Knight she keeps him going
for a few days longer than usual, and when she wants a quieter
time she has him cum earlier than usual. As she gets to control
his erotic energy this way, the high energy times only happen
when she wants to play with his energy.

The main use of Princess Power in a relationship comes from the
Princess saying that there will be NO sex during most morning
and evening cuddles.

She does not need to be dominant to say no. Having sex every
morning and bedtime is of course far too much, so she gets to
decide when. When she says no she says this just because she
does not feel like sex. This is not dominance, but just
reasonably saying what she wants.

A dominant woman likes to have control, and part of this is
knowing all about what they have control about. So a dominant
woman is likely to want to read manuals.

None of my partner's have ever studied my website. They don't
need to because I've told them how Devotional Sex works, and
I'll answer all their questions.

What has worked many times for me is to give my date a foot
massage, and whilst doing this tell them about my different way
of enjoying sex.

So I recommend that you read the part of the manual that you
want to tell your wife about several times, and then tell her
from memory. Have it nearby in case you want to look something
up. (I've not seen the manual by the way.)

I top from the bottom in that I give my Princess lots of
options. I'm their map. But I feel very much theirs because they
decide which path to follow, how far we go along any path, and
when we will end our journey.

So my start would be to say that you want to feel hers in the
bedroom, and asks her to take control over when you can
ejaculate, which will only happen every few days.

Say that if she is willing to start that night, then you really
look forward to a cuddle, but she can choose no sexual activity
if she wants (and that this will make you even hornier the next
night). Say that you would love to give her oral sex, and that
if she wants, nothing further need happen.

Give her options. Let her choose.

Lets say you go to bed, give her oral sex, and that is all. The
strong FemDom fantasy might then be that the Mistress orders her
new slave to sleep at the foot of the bed "Now that you are mine
you are not worthy to sleep in the same bed as me."

With Devotional Sex the focus is on intimacy. After giving her
oral sex, and she ending sexual activity, ask for a cuddle, and
for her to just gently hold your erection. (I call this a
Devotional Cuddle.)

Let your erotic energy energize the cuddle. Say how you feel
very close to her, that her holding your erection makes you feel
that you are hers and not rejected even though you are not
allowed to cum. Let her know how happy this cuddle is making
you.

Once your wife learns to feel relaxed having such a cuddle -
that your erection is no-longer a demand or expectation for sex,
she is likely to find these Devotional Cuddles one of the
highlights of your new sex life.

Using kink to increase intimacy is something that many woman
will find attractive. Getting your wife to become your Mistress
is likely to be difficult, but you may find she very much enjoys
the role of being your Princess.

What I'm suggesting will work best if the man is happy for
activities to be mainly ordinary sex, and his partner is not
dominant but willing to take control when she feels like it - a
woman who is happy to be a Princess but would not be a Mistress.

Good Luck!

Michael

Devotionalsex

Thank you so much for all you do and especially for taking time
to answer my question. You are a dream, your suggestions may
help others as well.

I'd welcome discussion, perhaps others have valuable thoughts.

Danielle

bedroom sub wrote:

>I am so tempted to read the document instead of giving it to my
>wife without review. .

Given that you plan to limit your experience to bedroom only and
not go further, it is probably wiser for you both to read the
manuals together and discuss the various ideas in there and how
they might work for you.

In any case one would not just present the manuals to a partner
without first having had plenty of conversation about the
fantasies.

What I would suggest is that you sit on a low cushion or stool
in the living room while your wife sits above you on the sofa or
armchair. Then you read a chapter aloud to her, and stop and
discuss at any time that either of you feels the need to.

In this way you will communicate your fantasies to her in a non
threatening way and from a non dominating position. And more
importantly you will give her a chance to tell you what she
might like about trying Fem Dom with you.

Do this over several sessions, working your way through the
books until you feel you both have a good understanding of what
you both would like to get out of this aspect of the
relationship together.

>I wonder if you can help or suggest a training guide that fits
>our situation.

I don't know of any guide that is limited to bedroom play and
one of the reasons I write my own guides is that I found all
others I encountered wanting. If a couple understands each
other, then the best guide is of course our software as it is
flexible and more interactive than a manual thus allowing a
partner to choose whatever fits the mood or situation.

Possibly other folk reading DOMestic will have different
suggestions for you.

>My needs are one of my wife controlling solely in the bed room
>and a release for the stress of day to day dominance I must
>execute in "the real world". Surely there are many like us.

Yes of course, it may even be that the majority of kinksters are
just like you. There is no way of knowing for sure.

>The woman enjoys having her man be somewhat the dom in real
>life yet the man needs the release of submission. Perhaps it's
>an impossible dream. I don't see my wife of 29 years moving
>into the full femdom world (but we can hope)

If that is really your hope, then the software will allow her to
develop at her own pace.

>as it's just not "in her" but I hope that her love for me will
>allow her to explore these traits and find some joy and a
>little control. Is this the impossible dream? Perhaps so, and
>I'm ok with that - after all just plain denial is half of
>teasing and denial (wink)

If you express those ideas to your lady yourself, she may yet
surprise you.

sincerely, Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

nuked potatoes wrote:

>Of course i am wrong

Phew. That was like pulling hen's teeth. But I'm glad you
finally got past the "there are no dominant Women" blockage as
that was getting in the way of what I suspect is something you
are struggling to understand. Namely...

>the Woman desires a Man.

You also wrote:

>i can go on and on but i won't.

Go on nuked. Why not?

Ms Deah T wrote:

>So, what exactly was your point, nuked?

Welcome back Ms Deah, based on the lack of response in the past
I don't hold out much hope of nuked being up to defining his
point for you.

I'll hazard a guess that nuked is struggling to differentiate
between love and submission, and having trouble understanding
how dominance can work if the dominant partner needs or desires
the partner they wish to dominate.

For some men (and poets) love and submission are
indistinguishable, so it can be hard for the romantic to
understand how one can love and dominate at the same time.

Even if he's not being poetic, his confusion is perhaps
understandable if he has not had a long lasting Dom-sub
relationship as he may see these matters in rather cartoon like
black and white fantasy imagery rather than the delicate shades
and variety of colour experienced in real life.

To answer for a moment, just the simple implied question
"cuckolding, the Woman desires a Man"?

Yes, nuked, in some cases a dominant woman can dominate her
submissive partner while at the same time take pleasure from
and/or desire another man in the conventional manner.

Such a threesome may be playing with fire, but the passion can
be powerful for all three, each in different ways, which can
work for all three of them. You might even argue that the
dominant woman is doubly benefitting, in that she can get two
types of passionate relationship in one encounter.

Equally you should not forget that some cuckolding experiences
are ways designed by the couple to satisfy both partners'
differing needs and sometimes these are inspired by male
fantasies but are workable compromises.

He may need to submit and be denied sex, yet she may need to be
sexually active in a more conventional manner while dominating
him. In such a threesome he gets what he needs, she gets what
she needs, and presumably the third partner (the extra male) is
usually happy to be used. At least for a while anyway....

sincerely,
David

Download "Games People Play" by David at
http://www.mschristine.com/manual.shtml

It has been a very long time since I have been able to frequent
the list, so I missed the convoluted thread initiated by nuked
potatoes last year (and, it appears, revived periodically ever
since). Having followed the link in the most recent post back to
catch up on the initial post and all the ones subsequent to it,
I now feel qualified to say: "Huh??"

Near as I can tell, the first point nuked attempted to make was
that, unlike male subs who are aware of their urges from age 3,
Dommes are not 'born to the role' but come to it later, mostly
via trauma. As proof he asserts that even Dommes want to be
loved and/or want men in their lives. None of this makes a great
deal of sense to me but I will add my comments to the many
eloquent responses already posted, both by way of renewing my
acquaintance with the group and because my experiences are
slightly different from the ones that have been expressed.

First of all, the urge to be integrally bonded with others, be
it familial, spousal, polyamoral, or communal, truly is innate.
Curmudgeonly reclusive cave dweller(crcd)'s genes died out
pretty quickly since, by definition, they were unlikely to be
passed on. Even those crcds who might have been moved to seek
out others to assuage the occasional mating urge weren't likely
to live long enough to do so since

a: solo hunting was notoriously ineffective against the huge
game of the era, and

b: predators found crcds easy pickings.

All of that aside, however, it is incomprehensible to me how the
choice to have other people closely involved in our lives has
any bearing on dominant behavior in either sex, be it innate or
acquired.

As to the genesis of Domme natures, I can't speak for anyone but
myself (though enough other Dommes have spoken that I'm not sure
why nuked can't seem to get off dead center...) My own urges in
this realm began with my first preschool crush (i.e., before the
age of 5 in the US).

I have very vivid recollections of putting myself to sleep with
visions of the boy who had caught my eye in various states of
bondage or confinement and myself as the jailer or captor. My
favorite early childhood fantasies were of the current object of
my crush tied to the whipping post in the frontier America town
square (my grandparents used to watch a lot of Westerns). As the
town sheriff (despite the fact that I was a pretty little girl
who liked to be feminine and the movies/series of the time only
portrayed women as dance hall girls or very proper wives) I
would carry out the whipping myself and would grant mercy or add
to the sentence at my whim so that the captive knew his only
hope was to wholly ingratiate himself with me...

So sadism, bondage, control, the taste for those things has been
with me as long as the rest of my brain.

I've known male and female subs whose submissive fantasies, like
my dominant ones, were present from their earliest memories; as
well as those who came to the behavior late, either by their own
lights or to please their partner - and some who began as a way
to please a partner and found they wanted to keep the lifestyle
even after getting rid of the partner. I've known dominants who
covered the same range.

So, what exactly was your point, nuked?

Best Regards,
Ms Deah T

"Men's minds are raised to the level of the women with whom they
associate."-Alexandre Dumas

From my own experience, my previous domme made a point of
training me to where she could simply touch my wrists, ankles,
and say "You are tied here and here." No actual restraints were
required any longer. I was obedient to the idea, adhering to her
desires, her will. Since I'm a sub, that's going to color my
perspective, since by nature I desire control, but I think you
will gain far more mastery over him by training him so that even
without actual ropes, he does as instructed. When he voluntarily
submits to anything - that's when you know you own him.